Main menu:
Anti- Bullying Week 2010
What is bullying?
Bullying is when someone keeps doing or saying things to have power over another person.
Some of the ways they bully other people are by: calling them names, saying or writing nasty things about them, leaving them out of activities, not talking to them, threatening them, making them feel uncomfortable or scared, taking or damaging their things, hitting or kicking them, or making them do things they don't want to do.
Bullying can mean many different things.
These are some ways children and young people have described bullying:
being called names
being teased
being pushed or pulled about
having money and other possessions taken or messed about with
having rumours spread about you
being ignored and left out
being hit, kicked or physically hurt in any way
being threatened or intimidated
If you are being bullied, then you might think that it's your fault. It isn't. No-one has the right to bully you. If you speak out about it, there are people who care - they will listen to you and help you.Have any of these things happened to you? Have you done any of these things to someone else? Really, bullying is wrong behaviour which makes the person being bullied feel afraid or uncomfortable.
Why do some people bully?
There are a lot of reasons why some people bully:
They may see it as a way of being popular, or making themselves look tough and in charge.
Some bullies do it to get attention or things, or to make other people afraid of them.
Others might be jealous of the person they are bullying.
They may be being bullied themselves.
Some bullies may not even understand how wrong their behaviour is and how it makes the person being bullied feel.
Why are some young people bullied?
Some young people are bullied for no particular reason, but sometimes it's because they are different in some way - perhaps it's the colour of their skin, the way they talk, their size or their name.
Sometimes young people are bullied because they look like they won't stand up for themselves.
Why is bullying harmful?
Some people think bullying is just part of growing up and a way for young people to learn to stick up for themselves. But bullying can make young people feel lonely, unhappy and frightened. It makes them feel unsafe and think there must be something wrong with them. They lose confidence and may not want to go to school any more. It may make them sick.
What can you do if you are being bullied?
Coping with bullying can be difficult, but remember, you are not the problem, the bully is. You have a right to feel safe and secure.
And if you're different in some way, be proud of it! Stand strong. Spend time with your friends - bullies hardly ever pick on people if they're with others in a group.
You've probably already tried ignoring the bully, telling them to stop and walking away whenever the bullying starts.
If someone is bullying you, you should always tell an adult you can trust. This isn't telling tales. You have a right to be safe and adults can do things to get the bullying stopped.
Even if you think you've solved the problem on your own, tell an adult anyway, in case it happens again.
An adult you can trust might be a teacher, school principal, parent, someone from your family or a friend's parent. If you find it difficult to talk about being bullied, you might find it easier to write down what's been happening to you and give it to an adult you trust.
What can you do if you see someone else being bullied?
If you see someone else being bullied you should always try to stop it – so long as you yourself are not also in danger: if this is the case you must get adult help immediately. If you do nothing, you're saying that bullying is okay with you.
It's always best to treat others the way you would like to be treated.
You should show the bully that you think what they're doing is stupid and mean. Help the person being bullied to tell an adult they can trust.
Are you a bully?
Have you ever bullied someone else? Think about why you did it and how you were feeling at the time. If you are sometimes a bully, try to find other ways to make yourself feel good.
Most bullies aren't liked, even if it starts out that way. Remember, it's best to treat others the way you would like to be treated.
Types of Bullying
Verbal: The Bully saying things to you
Name calling, not just calling you names but calling your loved one names -this can be very hurtful.
Threatening you by saying they or an older brother or sister is going’ to hurt you, or they are waiting for you after school.
Physical Bullying
Hitting, kicking, biting, scratching, pushing, tripping you up on purpose. Anything that hurts you by touching you is physical bullying. This is also a criminal offence and nobody is allowed to hit you.
Indirect Bullying
Ignoring someone, leaving them out or not allowing them to join in a game.
Spreading rumours, talking about you behind your back and saying things that are not true or will hurt you.
‘The bad eyes’, someone glaring or giving you threatening looks, this is very difficult to prove but can be just as distressing.
Technological Bullying
Internet bullying- with modern technology we can create websites to share with our friends. Putting pictures of people on the internet is very dangerous as we do not know who will see the pictures; it is also a form of bullying to say or write nasty things about people.
Chat rooms, using MSN or other chat rooms to threaten someone or talk about someone.
Abusive text messages, sending nasty text messages and not knowing who they are from.
Using a phone or a video camera to film someone unknowingly. This is wrong and you should always report all incidents to an adult or to the police.
Silent or abusive phone calls.
Remember: The police can trace all calls and texts connected to bullying incidents.
Mobile Phones: Some Advice
Be careful to whom you give your number.
If you are getting nuisance calls or texts - DO NOT REPLY.
Note the times and the dates of these calls/texts.
Tell your parents immediately.
Replace SIM card.
Remember mobile phones give off signals and can be traced. Always. Even Ready to Go phones.
Making nuisance calls/texts is ILLEGAL and the Gardaí can get involved.
Sending texts to bully someone is wrong. It hurts that person deeply. It is a crime. The offender will get caught by the Gardaí.
What to Do If You Are Bullied
How to Handle It
So now you know that bullying is a big problem that affects a lot of kids, but what do you do if someone is bullying you? Our advice falls into two categories: preventing a run-in with the bully, and what to do if you end up face-to-face with the bully.
Preventing a run-in with a bully:
Don't give the bully a chance.
As much as you can, avoid the bully. You can't go into hiding or miss school, of course. But if you can take a different route and avoid him or her, do so.
Stand tall and be brave.
When you're scared of another person, you're probably not feeling your bravest. But sometimes just acting brave is enough to stop a bully. How does a brave person look and act? Stand tall and you'll send the message: "Don't mess with me." It's easier to feel brave when you feel good about yourself. See the next tip!
Feel good about you.
Nobody's perfect, but what can you do to look and feel your best? Maybe you'd like to be more fit. If so, maybe you'll decide to get more exercise, watch less TV, and eat healthier snacks. Or maybe you feel you look best when you shower in the morning before school. If so, you could decide to get up a little earlier so you can be clean and refreshed for the school day.
Get a friend (and be a friend).
Two is better than one if you're trying to avoid being bullied. Make a plan to walk with a friend or two on the way to school or in the yard or wherever you think you might meet the bully. Offer to do the same if a friend is having bully trouble. Get involved if you see bullying going on in your school — tell an adult, stick up for the kid being bullied, and tell the bully to stop.
Keep a record – and save any nasty texts or emails that you have been sent.
If the bully says or does something to you:
Ignore the bully.
If you can, try your best to ignore the bully's threats. Pretend you don't hear them and walk away quickly to a place of safety. Bullies want a big reaction to their teasing and meanness. Acting as if you don't notice and don't care is like giving no reaction at all, and this just might stop a bully's behavior.
Stand up for yourself.
Pretend to feel really brave and confident. Tell the bully "No! Stop it!" in a loud voice. Then walk away, or run if you have to. Kids also can stand up for each other by telling a bully to stop teasing or scaring someone else, and then walk away together. If a bully wants you to do something that you don't want to do — say "no!" or “You got to be kidding!” or “Are you for real?” and walk away. If you do what a bully says to do, they will likely keep bullying you.
Don't bully back.
Don't hit, kick, or push back to deal with someone bullying you or your friends. Fighting back just satisfies a bully and it's dangerous, too, because someone could get hurt. You're also likely to get in trouble. It's best to stay with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.
Don't show your feelings.
Plan ahead. How can you stop yourself from getting angry or showing you're upset? Try distracting yourself (counting backwards from 100) to keep your mind occupied until you are out of the situation and somewhere safe where you can show your feelings.
Tell an adult.
If you are being bullied, it's very important to tell an adult. Find someone you trust and go and tell them what is happening to you. Teachers, principals, parents and friends at school can all help to stop bullying. Sometimes bullies stop as soon as a teacher finds out because they're afraid that they will be punished by parents. This is not telling or tattling on someone who has done something small — bullying is wrong and it helps if everyone who gets bullied or sees someone being bullied speaks up.
What Happens to Bullies?
In the end, most kids who misbehave or bully others wind up in trouble. If they keep doing hurtful things, sooner or later they may have only a few friends left. Other kids move on and leave them behind.
Some kids who bully blame others. But every kid has a choice about how to act. Some kids who bully realize that they don't get the respect they want by threatening others. They may have thought that bullying would make them popular, but they soon find out that this is not so.
The good news is that kids who are bullies can learn to change their behavior. Teachers and parents can help. So can watching kids who treat others fairly and with respect. It might just be what they were looking for – a kind word and some patience and understanding from others. Bullies can change if they learn to use their power in positive ways. In the end, whether people decide to change their ways is up to them. Some bullies turn into great kids who develop really kind hearts.
But no one should have to suffer. If you or someone you know is bothered by a bully, talk to someone you trust. Everyone has the right to feel safe, and being bullied makes people feel unsafe. Tell someone about it and keep telling until something is done.
Coping with bullying can be difficult, but remember, you are not the problem. You have a right to feel safe and secure. And if you're different in some way, be proud of it! Stand strong. Spend time with your friends – it’s harder to pick on people if they're with others in a group.
More Ways to Help
It may be tempting tofight back. After all, you're angry that you are suffering and maybe you were told to "stand up for yourself" when you were young. And you may worry that you will continue to suffer at the hands of the bully.
But it's important not to respond to bullying by fighting or bullying back. It can quickly escalate into violence, trouble, and someone getting injured. Instead, it's best to walk away from the situation, hang out with others, and tell an adult.
Here are some other strategies that can help improve the situation and make you feel better:
Avoid the bully. Use a different route to school if a bully is nearby and don't go to the shops/park etc. when there is nobody around. Make sure you have someone with you so that you're not alone with the bully. Buddy up with a friend on the bus, in the hallways, or at break — wherever the bully is. Offer to do the same for a friend.
Hold the anger. It's natural to get upset by the bully, but that's what bullies thrive on. It makes them feel more powerful. Practice not reacting by crying or looking red or upset. It takes a lot of practice, but it's a useful skill for keeping off of a bully's radar. Sometimes kids find it useful to practice "cool down" strategies such as counting to 10, writing down their angry words, taking deep breaths or walking away. Sometimes the best thing to do is to teach kids to wear"poker face" until they are clear of any danger (smiling or laughing may provoke the bully).
More Help with Anger:
ANGRY?
5 Steps: Stop and Think !
-Stop and Think.
-Are you going to make a good choice now or a bad choice right now?
-What are your good choices or steps?
-Do it !
-Tell yourself you did a good job.
Act brave, walk away, and ignore the bully. Firmly and clearly tell the bully to stop, then walk away. Body language is very important – hold yourself up straight, look him/her in the eyes, use a strong voice - act confidently even if you’re nervous inside. You might need to practise and also practise what you will say. Also practice ways to ignore the hurtful remarks, like acting uninterested or texting someone on your cell phone. By ignoring the bully, you're showing that you don't care. Eventually, the bully will probably get bored with trying to bother you. Humour is also a good way to throw a bully off his/her stride – talk to someone who will help you come up with suitable cool replies and humourous retorts.
Tell an adult. Teachers, principals, parents, siblings, grandparents, friends at school can all help stop bullying. Telling is the first step to ending bullying – it is also a great relief for you to have shared your worries. Remember – a trouble shared is a trouble halved.
Talk about it. Talk to someone you trust, such as teacher, sibling, or friend. They may offer some helpful suggestions, and even if they can't fix the situation, it may help you feel a little less alone.
Remove the incentives. If the bully is demanding money, games, markers etc don't bring them them to school.
Hobbies. Get together with friends and other kids by joining clubs or sports programs that help build your confidence and make you feel strong. Maybe it's a self-defense class like karate or a movement or other gym class.
Remember: The best way to protect yourself from being bullied is to tell someone so that you can get some help. If you try to fight back, you might make the situation worse or get into trouble yourself.